The Hess Truck is Back!

As a former collector of the annual Hess Truck, I thought it would be appropriate to show you this year's commercial for it. Looks like this one will lift and plow. Neat!

It's hard to analyze the spot too critically. Who can rag on little tykes singing about one of the only toys that has survived the ages? Even if all they do is substitute a new line of the song each year, it will still get stuck in your head.

Guru Grade: 6 / 10

Swedish Fish: A Friend You Can Eat

I hate it when videos get deleted from Youtube...

"This video is no longer available due to a copyright claim by Cadbury Adams USA LLC"

Sorry folks :/

Gotta, admit... I didn't think Swedish Fish even advertised. After all, their deliciously juicy scale-lined carcasses practically sell themselves. Honestly, what's not to love about Swedish Fish? Sure, there was that one time when I ate an entire bag and had an allergic reaction to the Red 40 dye and swelled up like a balloon, but those things happen.

Notice that there is a cat in an advertisement once again. Continue to prepare for kitty domination.

Guru Grade: 6.5 / 10

I Am King, Says Diddy

When I first stumbled upon this thing, I thought it was just going to be a viral video promoting P. Diddy's music or something. Then I started watching it, and I knew he had to be selling something. In the end a product is finally revealed: cologne, called "I Am King," the same title of this "movie."

From Diddy's blog:

"I am debuting my new movie "I Am King" for my new fragrance "I Am King" which is available exclusively at Macy's. This fragrance is dedicated to Barack Obama, Muhammad Ali, Martin Luther King and all you men out there who take care of your families and respect and treat yourself like the Kings that we are all. I would like to also announce that this is my audition tape for the next James Bond. There is a black president and it's time for there to be a black Bond. God Bless..."

I used to like my boy Puff. He was one of the few rappers who could talk and actually back it up. For example, he promised us "Ten years from now we'll still be on top..." in "Mo Money Mo Problems" (released in 1997) and what do you know? He's still very successful. But with this "movie" which is nothing but a glorified television commercial, he tries to act like he is the grand messiah of epicness. I'm not buying it. Take that how you want it.

Guru Grade: 4 / 10

Green Apple Ad is Sour

The flawless shimmer of a Mac ad just doesn't shine right on YouTube, so here's a direct link. (Even though YouTube went widescreen!)

Click here to watch

The name of the song is "Run" by Broadcast 2000.

The greenest family of notebooks, eh? Wouldn't that be some spiral bound made out of recycled paper or something? Honestly, how "green" can a computer be? Sure it uses better materials and takes less energy to run, but compared to having no laptop at all, you're still doing damage.

This whole green movement is merely a global-warming-inspired fad. Just like hula hoops and Tamagotchis, it will become another trend in pop culture that you curiously think back on as you watch 'I Love the 2000's' on VH1 sometime next decade, so it's very weird to see Apple jump on the bandwagon here. They make trends, not follow them.

There's not a speck of creativity outside of what Apple has already been doing in their ads. White space- check. Catching song- check. Fluid motion in animation- check. Where's the new hook? Use the green theme, but beef it up a little, would ya?

Guru Grade: 3.5 / 10

You're in the Movies, Burt Reynolds!

More video game commercials, jeez. I'm a bit timid to put some of these out, because they kind of sell themselves in many cases, leaving no room for creativity in the advertisements. This one's got Burt Reynolds, and he's more obnoxious than ever. However, that game looks really freakin' cool. How do they do it without a green screen? Marvelous.

Guru Grade: 5 / 10